The Single Girl’s Stages


Attention: What I’m about to write will not apply to all the girls. There are no rules for what happen in the crazy real love life, there is no script. However, after talking with some friends that have been single for sometime I got the feeling that there is a kind of pattern here. This “stages” don’t have a specific time schedule; for some people each stage can take months to pass, for others just a few weeks.

The “Crazy Freedom” stage: When a girl is single after being in a serious relationship for a while there is this crazy feeling of freedom. Of course that relationships are not “prisons” but I guess that most of us spend some time thinking “Oh, if I were single I could be flirting with that guy” or “I bet that there are some guys interested in me that don’t say it because they know I’m in a relationship”. There is also the question of the “single friends” that are always going out and going on dates and you have to be the “wing-girl” or the “If I were you…” kind of friend. So, when you find yourself single, there is a lot of expectation towards what is going to happen in your love life: all flirt (with no guilty) you can do, all the dates you can go to and so on.  Please note that not all the girls like this stage, but I believe that even the more “serious relationships” type of girls have some degree of craziness in themselves.

The “Is there anyone for me?” stage: After a while (it can be weeks, months or even years) most of the girls will have the need to know if there is any right match for them. It is the stage in which we start to look out for potential “relationship-material”. It doesn’t mean that we want to have a serious relationship again; it means we want to know that if you wanted to, we could have it. Of course it is all about the ego and the reassurance that we are still object of desire for a relationship.

The “This is not so easy after all” stage: Maybe this happens because of all the expectations, or maybe it is just the fact that we have been “out of the game” for a while, but (unless you are a crazy hot girl) most of the girls find themselves lost in this “perfect match” quest. The “he likes me and I don’t like him, or I like him and he doesn’t like me back” situation may be normal for some, but for the girls who have been in a serious relationship it didn’t seem to happen so often.  This is a very frustrate stage, It almost seems like there is something wrong with us, or that the game change and we can’t find the instruction manual anymore. We start wondering if all of our single-friends (that we envy) were single because they wanted (what we though it was the case) or they also sucked at this. At this point some girls can feel tempted to get back with their ex-boyfriends. Beware!


The “I don’t give a crap anymore” stage: This is my favourite stage. After a while, girls realise that they actually don’t need a guy in their lives. Attention: this feeling must be real, it doesn’t count if you say it to yourself and then go crazy because some guy took more than one minute to reply your text message. In this stage you take time to go to places you like (and not the ones that you think cute guys hung out), to work out (and not go to the gym just to see the “view”), to be ridiculous and dress what you like and feel confortable with (and not behave and dress like a doll)… But we can’t forget that being relaxed and being lazy are different things.

I must confess that I don’t know exactly the next stage by personal experience, but most of the cases that “I don’t give a crap anymore” attitude towards relationships is very effective in getting one relationship. It is somehow ironic, but I guess guys feel more attracted to girls that are not obsessed about getting a boyfriend. Can’t blame them.


One thought on “The Single Girl’s Stages

  1. Chris says:

    Ah, Sofia, this is amazing. And it’s not just true for girls, it’s true for a lot of guys too. The trick, once you’ve been through it a few times, is to jump to the final stage as quick as your heart allows. A friend of mine has a good theory, for every month of the finished relationship, you take a week. So a year-long relationship would give you 12 weeks. A three-year relationship would give you 9 months. And for those 9 months, say, you reinvent yourself, and fill the hole in your life with new adventures and new experiences. Because figuring out how to be happy and single, how to make yourself happy, is the key to figuring out how to be happy together with another.

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